“Some people will only love you as much as they can use you. Their loyalty ends where the benefits stop.” – Tamaya Renaye
If you have co-dependent traits, you’re probably wondering how in the world you can change these patterns and stop being co-dependent. Co-dependency, like life, occurs along a continuum. Most people are taught that there are two choices in life-the right way and the wrong way. Co-dependents often believe they are bad people, and other people who do not seem to be co-dependent, are healthy and good. Some characteristics of co-dependency can have a positive influence despite this black-and-white thinking. Co-dependents can be caring and sensitive individuals who want to make a difference in their professions, communities, and families. They usually are reliable and can be counted on to help others.
However, after a certain point, co-dependency ceases to be beneficial and begins to cause significant harm. Co-dependents can establish their own boundaries by learning what is and is not their problem. However difficult someone’s situation may be, you are not required to solve their problem. In may instances there is nothing you can do, it is up to the person involved to change their situation. If you value yourself, there is always a way to find time and space. For example, if you are asked to complete a double shift and are tempted to say yes, even though you are exhausted, do not answer immediately. Give yourself time to decide if this is what you really want to do. As a result, the natural tendency of a co-dependent is to put the needs of others before their own. Co-dependents must ask themselves “who am I doing this for?’ and “what toll will it take on me?” As with any behavioural change, you will feel uncomfortable initially. Do not stop just because it feels different. The more attention you pay to your inner world, the easier it will be to answer the question “who am I doing this for?” Co-dependents tolerate huge amounts of stress. So, when someone asks you to do something, ask yourself these questions “Do I want to be doing this?’ “Is this hurting me?” “Is this having a negative effect on my life?”
Here are 10 ways to start healing from codependency
- 1. Be sure to address your basic, physical needs, such as healthy food, rest, exercise, and medical checkups.
- 2. Protect yourself from physical, mental, and emotional abuse.
- 3. Accept yourself as the unique individual you are, including your appearance, feelings, thoughts, and addictions. As a human being with flaws and failures, you are deserving of love and respect.
- 4. Love yourself by being compassionate to yourself, accepting your flaws and mistakes, and practising regular self-care.
- 5. Develop an inner life by spending time alone. Create a deeper relationship with yourself by setting aside some quiet time each day.
- 6. Respect others by allowing them to take responsibility for their own lives.
- 7. Identify what you have control over, and act on it. Let go of what you do not have control over.
- 8. Look at your current relationships and make sure you’re being authentic. Speak
- your own truth without fear of another’s judgment or reaction.
- 9. Look back at your family and see if you can identify codependent patterns there. This could help you become aware of your own unconscious patterns.
- 10. Seek out self-help support groups and 12-step meetings that can help you understand the patterns and root causes of co-dependency, such as childhood trauma.
Healing from codependency is a challenging process. Go slowly — try to implement these codependency recovery concepts a little bit at a time and don’t expect yourself to do it perfectly!
If you recognise these codependency patterns in your life, it’s time to take action. My Practice Counselling Melbourne specialises in helping individuals break free from codependent behaviors and build healthier, happier relationships. Don’t let codependency hold you back any longer. Take the first step towards self-discovery and healing today. Reach out to us for trauma therapy, counselling support and transformation.
Sources
- Lancer, D. 10 Ways to Love Yourself and Heal from Codependency – dummies. Retrieved from https://www.dummies.com/health/mental-health/codependency/10-ways-to-love-yourself-and-heal-from-codependency/
- Martin, S. (2018). How to Start Healing from Codependency. Psych Central. Retrieved from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2017/10/how-to-start-healing-from-codependency/
- Sowle, J. 10 Ways to Stop Being So Codependent. Retrieved from http://www.here-to-listen.com/Codependency-Everything-Book.html