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Why Do I Always Attract Narcissists in My Love Life?

Jonathan Riley

“You can’t fix an abusive relationship; you can only choose to leave and heal.” – Unknown

Life has an uncanny way of presenting patterns, especially when it comes to relationships. You’ve likely heard someone say, “Why do I always attract the wrong type of person?” or “Why do I always end up with someone who doesn’t appreciate me?” For many, this repetitive cycle features a common character: the narcissist. But why do some people consistently attract narcissistic partners?

To understand this mysterious pattern, let’s first delve into the personality traits of a narcissist. At their core, narcissists have a deep-rooted need for admiration, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy for others. Their behavior often stems from an inflated sense of self-worth, and they crave validation. While this might sound rather unappealing, the allure of a narcissist is that, initially, they can be incredibly charming, making grand gestures and creating an almost intoxicating feeling of being “special.”

There are a few key reasons why some people are more prone to attracting narcissists:

  1. Familiarity: If you grew up in an environment where narcissistic behavior was the norm, such as having a narcissistic parent, you might be unconsciously attracted to what feels familiar. While it may not have been a healthy environment, it’s what you know. As a result, you may inadvertently seek out partners who exhibit these traits, simply because it’s what you’re used to.
  2. Validation Seeking: People with low self-esteem often look for external validation to feel worthy. Narcissists, with their initial charm and grand gestures, can make someone feel incredibly special. If you’re seeking external validation, this initial high can be irresistible.
  3. Empathy Overload: Empathetic people, who are naturally giving and caring, can sometimes attract narcissists. Why? Because narcissists thrive on attention and adoration, and who better to give it than someone who is compassionate and understanding?
  4. Boundary Issues: If you struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries, you might find yourself more susceptible to the advances of a narcissist. They often test boundaries to see how much they can get away with, and if you’re unable to firmly set limits, it can make for a perfect storm.

Understanding the why is half the battle. Recognizing these patterns can be a painful and eye-opening experience. It’s not about assigning blame to yourself but about raising awareness of your internal dynamics. Asking yourself why you are attracting narcissists is a courageous first step in breaking this cycle.

While this knowledge can be enlightening, it’s also crucial to realize that understanding alone won’t necessarily change your patterns. It’s like knowing why you have a toothache but not seeking treatment for it. Awareness is a starting point, but the journey towards healthier relationships often requires guidance, support, and consistent effort.

Are you tired of feeling stuck in a cycle of attracting the same type of partners? You’re not alone, and there is hope. At My Practice Counselling Melbourne, we believe in empowering you to break these patterns and embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing. Contact us today.