Relationships

Do you find yourself constantly questioning yourself, your partner, and the relationship? Is the relationship going to work? Is this person really the one I should be dating? What if they’re hiding some dark secret? Relationship anxiety is the term used to describe this constant worry. Relationship anxiety involves feelings of intense worry about a romantic or friendly relationship. Relationship anxiety encompasses some features of social anxiety disorder. More specifically, both conditions can cause a person to experience significant discomfort about rejection.

Over the last decade, research has consistently shown a positive correlation between self-compassion and psychological well-being. Research has shown people who have self-compassion also have greater social connectedness, emotional intelligence, happiness, and overall life satisfaction. Self-compassion has been shown to correlate with less anxiety, depression, shame, and fear of failure. According to studies, self-compassion improves not only our feelings towards ourselves, but also our relationships with others.

According to Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA), enmeshment occurs in relationships between people who have not developed their own clear identities and/or boundaries. Each person’s sense of wholeness and self-worth is intertwined with those of the other person. When we look to another person to define our values and accept their needs, feelings, or opinions as our own, we are enmeshed. Statements of enmeshment such as, “I’d die without you,” “You’re my everything,” “Without you, I’m nothing,” “I need you,” or “You make me whole” are found in everyday conversations.

According to Co-dependents Anonymous (CoDA), detachment is a conscious act of self-care. We choose to disengage emotionally from people and/or leave situations that could harm us. Detaching allows us to emotionally and/or physically separate ourselves from people, events, and places in order to gain a healthy, objective point of view. If we don’t like the behaviour of others, we can detach, recognising that we are separate from them with our own distinct identity and set of boundaries. We endeavour to detach with love and respect for ourselves and others, especially when detaching from family or friends. Even though we care, we remember that we are not responsible for other people’s behaviours, nor are they responsible for our well-being.

If you have co-dependent traits, you’re probably wondering how in the world you can change these patterns and stop being co-dependent. Co-dependency, like life, occurs along a continuum. Most people are taught that there are two choices in life-the right way and the wrong way.

When people acknowledge that they may have codependent characteristics, they often begin to wonder how these co-dependent tendencies originated. Why do some people feel insecure in all of their relationships? What causes co-dependency? Why is it so difficult to break free from co-dependent relationships? While the answers aren’t the same for everyone, it begins in childhood for most people.

Co-dependent relationships can have an impact on our families, children, friends, and relatives, as well as our businesses and careers, health, and spiritual growth. Co-dependency, if left untreated, can be debilitating and cause us to be more destructive to ourselves and others.

Co‐Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) has put together this list of patterns to help you evaluate whether you display symptoms of codependency. You don’t need to have them all to qualify as codependent. These personality characteristics are cognitive, emotional, and behavioural patterns that impact an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationships with yourself and other people.

Do find yourself making lots of sacrifices for other people’s happiness, but not getting much in return? Do you find yourself people pleasing, setting poor boundaries, having low self-esteem, love addiction, staying in abusive relationships, or helping people at the expense of yourself? If so, you could be struggling with codependency.