Self-Compassion

For people who struggle with addiction, negative emotions such as guilt, shame, and self-criticism come more naturally to them than compassion. As a result, people recovering from addiction issues are usually much harder on themselves than they would ever be on other people, often internalising the criticism they received as children from parents, teachers, and peers. Paradoxically, this criticism does not help people suffering from addictions change their behaviour, but rather adds to their misery.

Over the last decade, research has consistently shown a positive correlation between self-compassion and psychological well-being. Research has shown people who have self-compassion also have greater social connectedness, emotional intelligence, happiness, and overall life satisfaction. Self-compassion has been shown to correlate with less anxiety, depression, shame, and fear of failure. According to studies, self-compassion improves not only our feelings towards ourselves, but also our relationships with others.

It’s important to develop self-compassion when you live with anxiety. Anxiety can be an incredibly uncomfortable experience. The pressure and high expectations from the people around us as well as our own perfectionist ideals can make this experience even worse. Anxiety can feel so unpleasant that our tendency is to try to get rid of it. And one way we try to get rid of it is by criticising ourselves for feeling it. Unfortunately, this leads to inner conflict. One part of yourself feels anxious; the other part judges the part that feels anxious. This only amplifies your anxiety.

In the age of social media, we are surrounded by idealised images of beauty more than ever before. These images can create unrealistic expectations, leaving us feeling insecure and self-conscious about our appearance. As a result, it is no surprise that the majority of people are self-conscious about some aspect of their appearance. We are bombarded daily by media images that objectify human bodies throughout our lives. Numerous studies have shown that images in the media and on social media can have a negative impact on how we feel about ourselves and lead to a negative body image. Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, relationship problems, and substance abuse have all been linked to body dissatisfaction.

If you were a victim of childhood abuse or neglect, you know about shame. It’s likely that you’ve been plagued by it your entire life without realising it. Even if you’ve heard the phrase “It’s not your fault,” chances are you still blame yourself for the abuse or neglect in some way. The pain of unresolved relational trauma from childhood often presents as self-critical thoughts, feeling intolerant of our mistakes, or engaging in self-harming behaviours. Self-compassion can help us transform our suffering when it comes to trauma recovery. Self-compassion is a way of showing ourselves the same kindness and compassion that we show others.

Many people experience a lot of resistance to the idea of self-compassion. Many people think of self-compassion as letting themselves off the hook, as if self-judgment is the only way to get better. But negative self-judgment and self-blaming can actually act as an obstacle to self-improvement. The more shame and guilt you feel about your past actions and behaviors, the more your self-esteem is lowered and the less likely it is you will feel motivated to change. And without self-compassion, your level of shame will cause you to defend yourself from taking on more shame by refusing to see your faults and not being open to criticism or correction.

Compassion is often something that is hard for many of us. Self-compassion is about showing yourself genuine concern, care, and love. Being self-compassionate is not something we are taught about or talk about a lot, and so it can carry some negative connotations. The concept of self-compassion puts some people off because they believe it is too “touchy-feely.” Yet practicing self-compassion can significantly increase our happiness and wellbeing.

The old saying goes, “You are your own worst critic”. Most of us are very hard on ourselves, especially if we get even the slightest hint that we don’t “match up” in some way – in our accomplishments, career or study, social standing, relationships, appearance, body image, financial status, and so on.

Research has shown that self-compassion is strongly linked to our mental health and well-being. Studies have found that those who are more compassionate towards themselves tend to have fewer mental health problems, like depression, anxiety and stress. People who have self-compassion also tend to have a better quality of life, a greater sense of well-being, and fewer problems in relationships.